One Year

Today is Joseph K.'s and my one-year anniversary.  To celebrate, in the morning we went to the park by the airport to read the paper and watch the planes land:

Then we headed to Whole Foods to get food for a BBQ for two. Joseph K. made lamb burgers topped with sauteed onions and mushrooms, provolone, and sriracha mayo on grilled ciabatta:  

I made three-bean salad and sweet potato fries:

We topped it off with some beer:

And reminisced about one year ago today.  A great end to a great day.

Gossip Girls

I have something embarrassing to admit. I read the Politico. It is like reading Perez Hilton every day, except the people being gossiped about are significantly uglier. Thought Politico was a politics and policy paper. Hmmm, some of the current headlines.

Obama vs. McCain: Stimulus Rematch -- Catfight! Except most people can't remember who McCain is. They remember him as the old dude who went around sweating an unlicensed plumber who was behind on his child support payments. I might as well ask "Penny Dude" what he thinks. Who is Penny Dude? He is the guy who asks me for my spare pennies on the way to the metro every night. He believes in handouts.

Could Stimulus Make Your Kids Fat? -- Go look on the website, I am not making this title up. The thesis is that language in the stimulus bill could discourage schools from building gyms. The thesis is retarded.

NAACP Wants To Hold Obama Accountable on Race -- This is a common meme, where Politico writers try and pit Democratic interest groups against each other. To support the "split" they usually cite some looney contrarian.  Here is how Obama met the race test: He got a black dude elected president. If that is not enough for someone at the NAACP, they can go eat sand. 

Did the White House Encourage Defiance of Pelosi? -- More cat fight! Some Obama folks said it was ok for Rep. Jim Cooper (TN) to oppose the House Stimulus bill. Encouraging Cooper to exercise his conscience. Bitch slap times 10 to Pelosi. The, um, slow people who write for the Politico assume that the Dems have to be like the former Republican House majority, where the Congressmen did as they were told by leadership. There is no explanation for free thinking Democratic congressman save for defiance of the Democratic leadership. 

In the next few days -- if you are a masochist -- try to count how many times the following words are used in headlines featuring democrats -- clash, defy, reject, struggle, stumble, or nervous. Don't make it a drinking game. Shitfaced is no way to go through a weekday.

 

2008: Year In Review

After reading this year in review on several blogs, I thought I would give it a shot:

I got in a car accident and had surgery, the latter for the first time.

I let another person bathe and feed me without feeling beholden or self-conscious.

I amazed myself and found I had it in me.

I ate the best meal of my life with the love of my life.

I remained wondrous at the depth of my friends' love for me.

"Apple Bottom Jeans (Boots With The Furrr)" propelled me toward my future.

I saw my parents watch their daughter grow up.

I realized that my siblings' love for me has no limit.

I spent valuable quality time with my ATL sisters.

I got four job offers and one promotion!

I started learning to take it in stride.

For two weeks, Joseph K. and I lived inside a history book.

I continued my search for the line between compromise and giving in.

I watched the son of African immigrant become President with my son of African immigrants.

The highlight of hosting Thanksgiving was spending time in the kitchen with my brother and sister.

I grew closer to my father.

Learning to adjust has been hard to adjust to.

I fell deeper in love.

I realized you could love and hate someone at the very same time.

I reconnected with old friends (thanks Facebook!).

I celebrated my own bachelorette weekend!

I learned to take people for who they are.

I found a new favorite book.

I became an Auntie, attended two weddings, and marveled at how time flies.

I stopped taking it personally.

I helped plan a wedding.

I started decorating my home, and found that I am extremely indecisive.

I cooked more and became Iron Chef!

I struggled with my fear of change while watching everything change, and soldiered on.

I cried.

My tumultuous relationship with food continued.

I puffed up with the pride of a mother, watching my sister cross the grad school graduation stage.

I rediscovered the joys of rose wine.

I had the mirror thrust in front of my face.

I traveled to West Virginia, Atlanta, San Francisco, San Antonio, NYC, Philadelphia, the Dominican Republic, London, and Turkey (Istanbul, the Turquoise Coast, Bodrum, Izmir, Ephesus, and Cappadocia).

I started saying, "my parents' house" instead of "home."

I exhaled.

Unclench It, Howie

Howie Kurtz has started an "Obama Adulation Watch," his snarky attempt to point out how the press is somehow in the bag for Obama.  I am starting my own "Howard Kurtz Fox Cocksucking Watch" to point out just how deep down his throat Fox has got its cock.

A little context. Kurtz purports to be an objective reporter on the media. Because the press needs to cover itself for the good of the republic. And, he's supposedly an unbiased navel gazer. Yet, he's married to a Republican activist/consultant. But, come on JK, you say, you are assessing guilt by association.

Shut up, fool. I have the facts.  It seems like every week, Kurtz does a profile in the Post extolling the virtue of some element of the Fox empire.  For example, last week, he did a puff piece on Brett Baier, the well-coifed cipher who is replacing Brit Hume on the 6PM Special report.  Basically, it was how Brett shits awesome, so Fox will be fine after the changeover.  The day before -- literally the day before -- he did a puff piece on Liz Claman, a Fox Business Channel host. The gist of that piece is that she works hard and is not as dumb as she might seem.  This week he had a pice about how non-diverse the White House press corps is; his main example of a progressive network on race: Fox with their WH correspondent, Wendall Goler. 

So, do the math: Kurtz thinks Obama got a pass and wants to hold truth to power. And, he has Fox News cock breath. That adds up to a big nothing according to my math. The Post needs to eliminate. Unclench your jaw, Howie. And someone at the Post needs to offer him a buyout.

Lassie Kicks Moses' Ass

I thought Sidney Poitier was dead. Turns out I was wrong. I was wondering about it, which led to my latest mode of distraction -- the Wikepedia chain. Which ended with me having to get on a conference call, right after I learned Lassie is considered more heroic than Moses. Well, maybe, but first how I got there.

I looked up Sidney Poitier on Wikipedia, and thing that hits you first is how much Poitier's career bottomed out in the 1970s.  He went from an Academy Award in Lillies in the Field (1963) to goofing around with Bill Cosby in a trio of blaxploitation, slapstick films (Uptown Saturday Night, Let's Do It again, A Piece of the Action).  Thankfully, he hung up his acting chops after Sneakers.

But, some of his more underrated films are the Tibbs trilogoy. The most famous of them being In The Heat of the Night.  But, They Call Me Mr. Tibbs and The Organization are fresh in their own rights (if more blaxploitationy). I clicked on the summary for In the Heat of the Night, and there was a link to Virgil Tibbs' page. As I read up on the main character, Virgil Tibbs, I saw a reference and a link to the AFI list of 100 top Heros and Villains.  I clicked on that link. Tibbs was listed the number 19 hero of all time. 

Which is where I saw that the people at AFI were more impressed Lassie's heroics than Moses'. On the one hand, you have an affable Collie who keeps saving the same kid who keeps falling down the same well. On the other hand, you have a conflicted, tormented prophet leading tens of thousands of enslaved Jews to the promised land. Who knew the selectors at AFI were all about the personality. If you are wondering, Tibbs ranked above both of them.  Poitier. Click. Click. Click. Lassie beats Moses. I can spend hours on Wikipedia just following the links.

As I mentioned earlier, the same list has the top 50 villains of all time. Number 1, Hannibal Lecter. Jaws? Number 18! What?!? Think about it this way, if Jaws was Hannibal Lecter he'd eat everyone in sight. Jaws fucked everything up. He wasn't selective. If Hannibal Lecter was a shark, he'd be all selective and shit. Spewing shark philosophy and trying to make a gourmet meal out some snorkler who fit into his weird, psychotic eschatology.  I am sorry, Jaws was more ruthless. He had no soul. He's savage; he ate a boat to get at Roy Schneider and Richard Dreyfus. I think only Glenn Close can claim to have done something comparable in a movie.

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

It is on right now on Flix. This is the kind of film they don't make any more. Compared to Breakin', it features more kids and white women. And more mimes. And the plot is more aggressive (heck Ice T is in the movie). Ozone, Turbo, Kelly and the gang use their dance skills to stop a local developer from tearing down their community center to build a shopping center. The developer gets an assist from a gang of dancing thugs who harrass Ozone and the gang throughout. This movie takes place in an era when gangs fought with dance, before they realized the efficiency of guns.

The scene of the movie, when the gang visits Turbo in the hospital after he fell down some stairs while...its too ridiculous to summarize why he ended up breaking his leg. But, the scene after is a classic:

"What Have I Done?"

I have nothing to say about the vapid, mean-spirited speech from the lightweight #@ on the GOP ticket. The speech was devoid of ideas and solutions for the country. What struck me the most the look on that kid's -- Levi -- face. You know that a year ago he was sitting around with his meathead friends saying, "I am totally going to nail the governor's daughter, dude."And the look on his face was definitely one of "what have I fucking done."

Crime And Punishment

Until I recently became a victim of crime, I used to be someone who believed that a healthy combination of rehabilitation and deterrence is the proper way to punish a criminal. But, then it happens to you. You feel violated. Cliches like "how could this happen to me?" run through your head. At night, you scream into your pillow, "Why? Why?"

I sat on a line, waiting and waiting. I let the authorities know what happened. They did their best to make the situation workable. Then, I asked, "What was the balance on my [lost] Smartrip card? Should be $18 or so."

"It was last used at 1PM today, and you have a balance of $13." Son of a bitch! I had lost my Smartrip card at some point yesterday. And some asshole found it and decided to use it. They knew there was money on the card. They knew it was not their money. It was my fucking money (ok, my government public transportation subsidy...but still!)

Don't they chop off your hands in Saudi Arabia if you steal. Seems an appropriate pennance for the scoundrel who decided to take me for a free ride.

Human Rights

At the Rick Warren panderfest, each candidate was asked, "At what age do babies get human rights?" McCain said, "At conception." As someone who is mostly anti-abortion (but not necessarily anti-choice, a distinction that is for another day), I found the answer to be profoundly silly, because the premise of the question was silly. Is the human right to "live" different depending on whether you are a baby or a death row inmate? If committing a crime is the basis for taking away life, isn't more accurate to say that the life is a privilege, not a right? Not something that is innate or immutable, but something that can be taken away? And if it is a privilege, who determines access to the privilege? The state? A mother? God? What role should the state play in determining that?

Let Them Eat Antenna

The government is spending an inordinate amount of money on (1) advertising and (2) subsidies for set top converters for folks who still have antennaed tvs when the conversion to HD broadcasts occurs next year. How much? Try $1.5 billion. By my count, there are about thirty-three people who still don't have cable and receive TV signals over the airwaves. So, the government is basically spending about $47 million for each of these Luddites to be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st Century. By contrast, school districts spend, on average, about $8701 per pupil. Even if you think I am exaggerating about the number of people who still get their tv via the airwaves, query whether the per viewer spending for the HD conversion is more or less than the per pupil education spending in this country.

MetaNews -- Tastes "Great," Less Filling

I am watching Campbell Brown on CNN. She hosts "CNN Election Center," a typically insipid political chat show. I am watching her discuss Barack Obama's trip right now. So, does his trip lend itself a substantive discussion of the deteriorating political and security situation in Afghanistan? Of course not. She just spent fifteen minutes on whether the trip itself is a "photo-op."

To provide insightful analysis, she has on some doofus named Lars Larson, who is a fill-in host for Michael Savage, who is busy spending his days "savaging" kids with autism. Along with him on the panel are sone weak-wristed liberal kid and Gloria Borger, who is made up like an urban geisha. It is all whether Obama or McCain are "winning" or "losing" based on the "fawning" Obama is receiving for his trip. In fact, towards the end of the program, there was a five minute piece on how much of a "photo op" the trip was.

There was not any reporting on the hours and hours of substantive discussion between Obama, Kharzai, Maliki, Petreaus, Crocker, etc. Too challenging for Brown and the circus of intellectually deformed misfits she surrounds herself with.

"They're fawning all over him," Brown kept screeching periodically. Or she would spit out that Obama was on his "world adventure." Adventure? Going to Jalalabad, an increasingly dangerous region near the Pakistan border, to meeting with regional Afghan leaders and military officials is like hiking the Appalachian trail.

Conservative connections? She screws Dan Senor, former Coalition Provisional Authority spokesperson, routinely. Not a big deal since they are married. But, you are what you eat. If I am what I eat, I just became a handful of spanish nuts.

There is little doubt that Ms. Brown's thinly veiled contempt arises from the notion that Obama is too "uppity." And, thus, standing up for all misunderestimated grads of schools like hers, Regis University (whose sister school for women is of course called, the Lee Griffith Women's College).

Her Powers Failed Her

The women's women's superhero competition took place this weekend, pitting the strongest supernatural women of the world against each other. It is important to clear one thing up at the outset. Many women think that Ms. America is this country's representative superhero. She's not. "She" is the winner of the annual competition to be Captain America's wife for a year. No superpowers; just lots of low self-esteem.

No, the female superhero representing the United States is Ms. U.S.A. After months of brutal bloodsoaked domestic combat, Ms. U.S.A. conquered and killed hundreds of women for the opportunity to take on the greatest female superheros from other countries.

Despite the United States being considered a "superpower," when it comes to supernatural combat, that title is a misnomer. The Nordic nations have dominated many competitions, which is not so surprising given the fact that many of them are the descendants of brutally effective Norse gods. Puerto Rico has produced many winners as well, but surprisingly these effective superheros are unable to secure modest goals such as stopping the bombing in Vieques (I imagine one of these women being able to easily catch one of the bombs and throw it back at the planes that launched them). Much less Puerto Rican independence.

If you have the time, you have to check out the timeline of winners and world events available on the Ms. Universe cite. The organizers helpfully explain how the competition winners were responsible for key world events. For example, did you know that in 2004, Australian Jennifer Hawkins won; months later Saddam Hussein was found hiding at an isolated farm near Tikrit. Coincidence? The pagent officials hint otherwise. In 2001, Denise Quinones wins the pagent; later that year terrorists strike the WTC and Pentagon. Coincidence? The pagent timeline hints otherwise.

As noted above, the Americans have failed to show up on numerous occasions. This year's Ms. U.S.A. Her powers include "the wave of megavanity." But, there are side effects. Namely a massive loss of balance. She unleashed her powers at a crucial moment during the competition, only to be felled by the flipside of her powers. Notwithstanding the fall, she managed to kill Ms. Trinidad & Tobago, Ms. Austria and Ms. Bhutan:

Mixed Nuts

I have had arguments and fist fights with other men. In arguments, I wield logic. In physical altercations, I use my fists and legs. To anyone who may try and fight me, I will tell you right now, I won't try and punch you in the face. I'll kick your knees and try and take your legs out. No legs, no punching power. You are more likely to have shatter knee caps than a black eye if you choose to fight with me.

Everyone has their own style. A gay friend of mine in law school once revealed his unique, possibly effective way of fighting: he said he'd bite his opponents eyes out. I am not sure that is physically possible, but it sent a chill down my spine and made me think twice of scrapping with him. And, as anyone who has actually been in a fight knows, it is 80% mental.

I have never thought about grabbing a man's testicles and detaching them from his body. Castration is what you do to child molesters and eunuchs. Not to someone you disagree with. As a man, you know that it is wildly irresponsible to dream about detaching man's testicles from their body. Jesse Jackson's dreams of ripping Obama's balls off is the stuff of deranged, violent fantasy. Or Japanese porn. One of the two.

The UnHillarys

I have been stoned by baboons. Note, I said "by" and not "with." The latter would have been decidedly more enjoyable than the true horrer I faced. And, no I am not encouraging monkeys to smoke; I am very well aware that providing tabacco products is illegal in certain states. It is yet another reason why Vermont is known as the "no fun" state.

What is my point? I can take criticism pretty easily (I am not sure what was worse, the baboons throwing rocks or flashing their inflamed asses at us to underscore the point they were making by throwing rocks). But, I find it considerably harder to deal with unintended encouragement. And, therefore I find myself befuddled by the pro-PUMA comments Ted has left on my post about the comments on the noquarterusa.net website. I appreciate the traffic for traffic's sake. And I appreciate Ted taking the time to post not one, but two comments.

But, I hadn't realized that I was being ambivalent. So perhaps I should clear something up: I think a significant percentage of the people who post on noquarterusa.net are, for lack of a better term, lunatics. Those quotes from my previous entry, I found them crazed, not profound. Blinded by anger and irrationality, the authors of those comments spewed some of the most venemous, incoherent nonsense I have ever seen on the web. They were driven by a hatred of Obama that is beyond pathological.

In the interest of fairness, I visited the site "Ted" recommended "PUMAs 4 Palin." I cannot figure out what, from the two sole posts that say nothing substantive, would compel anyone who agrees with the Democrats on policy issues to vote for Alaska's grossly inexperienced freshman governor. Frankly, my cat's asthmatic wheezing is more meaningful than anything I read either on the blog or, for the most part, in the comments. Palin was an inconsequential local, elected official who won largely because the incumbent Republican governor was awash in corruption and may be indicted some day. She is nothing more than Republican blank slate who, troublingly, appears to hate polar bears.

If it isn't obvious, I am not trying to convince any of these sociopaths to vote for Obama, because they are Republicans masquerading like Clinton supporters to gain publicity and to sell the knuckleheaded, lazy reporters (like the nihilists at Politico.com) looking for a story to write during an exhausted presidential campaign a fabricated tale of Democratic disunity. And as someone who has many Republican friends, the noquarterusa, Hillaryis44 sociopaths are in no way representative of conservative ideals. Just their own, in some cases bigoted, depravity.

Hopefully that clears things up. But enough of that. The anti-Obamaites on these sites love to compare him to Chauncey Gardiner from "Being There." By engaging them, I fear I am not heeding the words of another character in that movie, Ben Rand: To raise your rifle is to lower your sights.

Dario Revisted

Danny D has pointed out that I have been a little harsh in my assessment of Dario. Was he lip syncing? I'll take Danny D at his word, but I am almost 100% sure that the dude doing the sign language for Dario at the Capital Pride performance was faking. Seriously, what does the arm movement from the "cabbage patch" mean to deaf people?

Frankly, I was just happy my second experience at a predominantly gay place/event went better than my first. Regardless, Dario accomplished one mission: he made me interested in knowing more about him. A guy whose musical collection is more of the Hugh Masekela, Fela Kuti, Mulatu Astatke and Mos Def vein wanted to know about this young purveyor of synth pop.

Finding information about Dario is surprisingly harder than I thought. There were significantly more Darios on the web than I had anticipated. Dario Francitti takes up a lot of the Dario oxygen in the web. I had allocated myself an hour to research Dario, and Francitti distracted me for 45 minutes of it. What can I say, we share two things in common: we like to drive fast and want (and in his case does) want to [insert what ever verb you deem appropriate for a newly married man] Ashely Judd.

To narrow the search, I entered "Dario singer" on Google and ended up with this clown. His hypnotic cube had me wanting to kill the Moors or whatever it was the Gypsy Kings song he was covering was instructing me to do. I took a crap after listening to his (their?) cover of "Me and Mrs. Jones;" I am not sure if the two events were connected or not.

Probably the coolest Dario I came across was Dario Moreno, who despite the latin sounding name was a Turkish Jew who won fame in France doing bossa nova. I wished he had been my dad.

I admit I am a computer illerate, but eventually I found Dario's web site again. According to Dario's bio, he "seemed destined for greatness at the early age of three." That is impressive. The only time I felt destined to be anything was when I was appointed the class grammarian by my 9th grade English teacher. After that, I thought I was destined never to get laid.

Being able to sing is a rare commodity. M is a phenomenal singer. She has no idea whether I can sing or not. She's never asked, taking my gutteral speaking voice as evidence enough that it wouldn't be worth finding out. About the only thing I sing well is the Michael McDonald part of the duet he did with Patty Labelle, "On My Own."

Dario has made it onto several programs, has put out a couple of albums, and has performed with some major artists. Something I will never can or will do. I, on the other hand, have won a read-a-thon when I was 8, once hugged Mikael Gorbachev (af, told Spike Lee he has to "step it up on the next movie," once got into an nearly violent stare-off with Bob Dole, and sat together with Oliver North on a long uncomfortable flight from Salt Lake City to D.C. Significance? We report, you decide.

Meanwhile, At The Pro-Hillary Sites

Some selected comments from noquarterusa.net, the principle "PUMA" blog out there:

• "Shameless Michelle Obama got by on affirmative action." In other words, successful black women are innately dumb and need state help to mask their literacy. I don't remember Hillary initimating that during her campaign.
• "Obama is learning the art of deception from the best. Hitler’s methods to come to power were very similar. (I am not compering him to Hitler, only the methods.)" Because Obama is only Hilterian, not actually Hitler himself.
• "BO is a classic sociopath with a narcissistic ego structure." I know they are talkng about Obama, but *sniff* I feel like they are talking about...ME!
• "Obama is considered by his zealots to be the Son of God."
• "He’s not a Christian he’s a nation of islam groupie."

Lady Who Lunches

Happiness is, a
walk across the bridge for a
kubideh kabab.

Signs

M and I went to the Capital Pride festival to meet a friend of ours. After about an hour of wandering around and checking out the booths, we made our way to the stage area. Just in time to catch the lip-syncing excellence of American Idol sensation, Dario. At least that is how he was introduced.

Don't remember Dario? Neither did I. Other than him saying he was on the show, there is no evidence to support this claim. The next day we did some research and came across Dario's website. Here is how his bio begins:

"There are few individuals that you meet in life who stand out against the sameness of the American music establishment. This special and unique person offers a refreshing alternative to the norm---a strong character, a driven personality to succeed, an uncompromising passion for their music, and a special charisma on stage which truly shines, touches, and envelopes the audience in a distinctive way."

Except for the rather obvious abuse of adjectives, I have no idea what is going on in that paragraph. Still doubt how popular he is? His biography also notes: "He’s graced the covers of over 9 International magazines and appeared on numerous television programs, which include the red carpet events for the Grammies and The American Music Awards." An odd sentence structure to be sure. It is unclear whether he has been on the red carpet at the "Grammies" or at a red carpet event related to the "Grammies."

Anyway, long story short, he was abysmal. But, the refreshing surprise was the guy signing Dario's "hits" for the "crowd." Such as his smash "Be." Or "Lies." Dario takes a minimalist approach to his songwriting.

But, the sign guy breathed life into the songs by adding his own moves to emphasize the grooves of the song. Imagine, you are deaf. A guy is signing you a song. The sign guy has an incredibly difficult job, to be sure. He's gotta throw something into the signing to convey the groove. And the signer delivered. In a far more compelling way than Dario.

Lording of the Rings

I've added a ring to my left hand. I now wear two rings, two more than I've ever worn. When I first got engaged, I was wild over my ring, but it still felt strange. I would play with it a lot, taking it on and off. I would take it off to wash the dishes or take a shower, and a lot of times, I would forget to put it back on. By the time I got used to it, it was time to put on another.

Don't get me wrong, I love my rings, and what they represent. I love that they advertise the fact that I'm committed to another person, but sometimes they feel so... much. Ostentatious, even. Do people I know think of me differently now? Like I'm showing off? What snap judgments do people I'm just meeting make? Sometimes I want to tell them, "I am not my rings!"

I'm thinking of toning it down to just one, but I haven't decided. I do love looking at my diamond.

She blushes.

History

I find it greatly distressing that Barack and Michelle Obama resurrected the terrorist fist bump. Serious historical scholars know that the fist bump originated during biblical times, first seen when Pilate gave Herod a pound after authorizing the cruxifiction of Christ. I guess they didn't teach that at the Indonesian madrassa Obama attended as a boy.